Late-Night Hosts Target Trump's Latest 'Gold Card' Residency Scheme

Late-night's prominent hosts spent the evening criticizing ex-President Donald Trump's recently launched visa initiative, dubbed the "golden visa," portraying it as a blatant pay-to-play system for the rich.

Colbert's Witty Spin

Opening his program, Stephen Colbert delivered a sardonic Christmas tune directed at the president. "He is compiling a list, checking it twice, then handing that list to the officials at ICE," he crooned. "Trump ... ruins each thing he handles."

The focus was the new plan that enables overseas individuals to purchase U.S. residence for an investment of a million dollars, or "platinum" option for $5 million. A government page promises processing "in record time."

"One thought for you to rich foreigners: before you pay, maybe think about Canada?" Colbert quipped.

He pointed out that the program is also designed to "extract cash" from firms wishing to hire foreign workers, with significant costs. "That is a lot of fees, but if you register, you also get free accommodation at a property of your choosing – as long as it's the that one hotel," he added.

"The best screening the government has ever done," remarked Commerce Secretary Howard Lutnick, "a $15,000 vetting to make sure these people absolutely are eligible to be in America."

"That's important, you gotta prove you're qualified to be an American," Colbert said dryly. "Question one: how many burgers would you eat for a free T-shirt?"

Jimmy Kimmel's Blistering Roast

On his late-night program, Jimmy Kimmel referred to the initiative the "U.S. Access Express Card."

"This is a card that will let affluent international individuals to live here," he said. "For a million dollars, you get legal visitor status, you get a pathway to citizenship, and a president's pardon for one major crime of your selection."

"Perhaps it's time to change that message on the Statue of Liberty – forget about your huddled masses. Hand over a million bucks, you're in!" he joked.

Kimmel teased the lack of detail of the form, noting it is "harder to start a Wordle account." He lamented that Trump "believes citizenship is something you can sell, like a steak."

"Exactly, the finest people are the rich people," Kimmel quipped. "It's what Jesus always said! It's in the Bible. He says it's easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle provided that you pay the needle a million dollars."

Seth Meyers covering Affordability Struggles

Elsewhere, Seth Meyers turned to Trump's slipping approval ratings amid financial anxiety. "People gave Donald Trump a another term since they were mad about the economy," he explained.

This week, in a effort to discuss affordability, Trump held a briefing in front of a display of grocery items, where he behaved strangely to boxes of cereal.

"Lovely packaging, I think I'm going to take some of them back to my home and have a lot of fun," Trump stated. "Like the Cheerios, I haven't had Cheerios in a ages."

"He's so fucking weird," Meyers said. "What do you mean, you're going to take them home to your cottage to have a lot of fun with them? What are you gonna do with those Cheerios?"

Meyers finished by criticizing conservative media defenses of Trump's economic record. "Maybe instead of voicing concerns, you should give him a shiny trophy similar to what FIFA did," he joked.