These Phrases shared by My Parent Which Saved Me as a New Dad

"In my view I was simply trying to survive for a year."

One-time reality TV star Ryan Libbey thought he would to handle the demands of fatherhood.

However the truth rapidly proved to be "completely different" to what he'd imagined.

Serious health problems during the birth caused his partner Louise admitted to hospital. Suddenly he was forced into acting as her primary caregiver as well as taking care of their infant son Leo.

"I took on each nighttime feed, every nappy change… every stroll. The duty of both parents," Ryan stated.

After 11 months he became exhausted. That was when a conversation with his parent, on a bench in the park, that helped him see he couldn't do it alone.

The straightforward statement "You are not in a healthy space. You must get assistance. What can I do to help you?" created an opening for Ryan to speak honestly, seek support and regain his footing.

His story is not uncommon, but rarely discussed. While the public is now more comfortable discussing the stress on mums and about PND, not enough is spoken about the challenges new fathers encounter.

Asking for help is not weak to seek assistance

Ryan feels his difficulties are symptomatic of a larger failure to talk among men, who continue to internalise damaging ideas of masculinity.

Men, he says, tend to think they must be "the harbour wall that just takes the pounding and stays upright with each wave."

"It isn't a sign of weakness to request help. I didn't do that quick enough," he clarifies.

Mental health expert Dr Jill Domoney, a specialist specialising in mental health before and after childbirth, explains men frequently refuse to acknowledge they're struggling.

They can believe they are "not a legitimate person to be asking for help" - particularly ahead of a mother and child - but she highlights their mental state is just as important to the family.

Ryan's heart-to-heart with his dad offered him the chance to ask for a break - going on a short trip overseas, outside of the home environment, to gain perspective.

He came to see he needed to make a change to consider his and his partner's emotional states in addition to the practical tasks of caring for a new baby.

When he shared with Louise, he realised he'd missed "what she longed for" -reassuring touch and listening to her.

'Parenting yourself

That epiphany has transformed how Ryan views fatherhood.

He's now writing Leo letters each week about his experiences as a dad, which he wishes his son will see as he gets older.

Ryan thinks these will enable his son to better grasp the language of emotional life and understand his approach to fatherhood.

The idea of "self-parenting" is something artist Professor Green - whose name is Stephen Manderson - has also experienced deeply since fathering his son Slimane, who is now four years old.

As a child Stephen did not have reliable male guidance. Despite having an "wonderful" bond with his dad, long-standing emotional pain resulted in his father struggled to cope and was "coming and going" of his life, making difficult their relationship.

Stephen says repressing emotions led him to make "poor choices" when in his youth to alter how he felt, turning in alcohol and substances as an escape from the anguish.

"You gravitate to things that don't help," he notes. "They may short-term modify how you feel, but they will eventually make things worse."

Tips for Coping as a New Father

• Talk to someone - when you are overwhelmed, confide in a family member, your spouse or a counsellor about your state of mind. It can help to lighten the load and make you feel less alone.
• Maintain your passions - make time for the activities that made you feel like yourself before becoming a parent. Examples include going for a run, seeing friends or a favourite hobby.
• Pay attention to the physical stuff - nutritious food, staying active and when you can, getting some sleep, all play a role in how your mind is faring.
• Connect with other new dads - hearing about their experiences, the challenges, along with the joys, can help to put into perspective how you're feeling.
• Understand that requesting help is not failure - prioritising you is the optimal method you can care for your loved ones.

When his father subsequently died by suicide, Stephen expectedly had difficulty processing the death, having not spoken to him for many years.

Now being a father himself, Stephen's determined not to "continue the chain" with his own son and instead offer the stability and nurturing he did not receive.

When his son threatens to have a meltdown, for example, they do "releasing the emotion" together - processing the feelings safely.

Both Ryan and Stephen say they have become improved and more well-rounded men due to the fact that they faced their issues, transformed how they express themselves, and taught themselves to regulate themselves for their sons.

"I have improved at… sitting with things and handling things," states Stephen.

"I put that down in a letter to Leo the other week," Ryan shares. "I said, at times I believe my role is to instruct and tell you what to do, but the truth is, it's a two-way conversation. I'm learning an equal amount as you are through this experience."